911.

When is it appropriate to call 911? It’s funny. The night I hear those lines is the night I had to seriously contemplate it.

I watched a movie called Pontypool a couple of nights back, the same night as the incident I’m about to describe. Very good movie. Very sound horror movie. It was everything that terrified me because instead of relying on expensive CGI or campy makeup techniques to terrify you, the first part of the movie greatly revolves around letting your imagination take the reigns to make you the harbinger of your own nightmares. Movies don’t do that enough anymore. They don’t realize how powerful a person can visualize their own fear, and that all they need to do is add the voice of suggestion.

This post, however, isn’t really about Pontypool. I don’t like talking about movies because I fear spoiling it for someone else.

On the same night I watched this movie, I went to bed around 12 only to be awoken by the sounds of pounding at my door. My stepmother is in an awkward situation where she’s sort of between houses and comes down here to do her stay at home job, so I figured it was just her being noisy as ever. The second round of knocks, however had my attention. Being full of paranoia makes you acutely aware of every terrible situation that could possibly pan out, so my mind was already running a mile a minute by the time my feet hit the carpet. This, however, was the first time they actually came to fruition.

Before I did anything, I woke up my grandmother, who had been fast asleep. How she slept through all the banging is beyond me, but when I called out the situation to her, she immediately went for our little pea shooter. It was quickly after that I heard a feminine voice at the door, shouting for help. Shouting that someone was after her. Angrily, my grandma called for her to explain.

What ensued was a stumble upon stumble of words. “Uh… I…” My mind started contemplating why she was pausing after almost every word. Why it sounded so… Fake. Slowly, painfully, and almost emotionlessly, the girl explained that her ex boyfriend had smashed her car window in just down the road. Against my better judgment, grandma let her in.

Covered in blood. She was covered in blood that had apparently dripped down from her face. When you’re an avid halloweener and have seen makeup for seasonal haunted houses being done, everything looks fake, so I can’t truly say whether she was wounded or not. Here are the main concerns though:

1. She didn’t want to call the police. We’ve talked about this part and figure it could be because 1. She was on parole/had warrants for her arrest/etc, or 2. She was on drugs at that very moment. Either is really possible, but the third paranoia option was that nothing was actually wrong, her injury had been set up, and she was just trying to feel out the house to see if it was worth robbing later. This is the one that no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, I lose sleep over. This is what all my home invasion nightmares are made of.

2. All questions asked to her were parroted answers of ours. What school did she go to? The same as mine. What kind of phone did she have before her ex smashed it to smithereens? The same as mine. This truly disturbed me.

3. She was so reluctant to call her friend to pick her up. I’d expect nobody would really want to stay in a strangers house for that long, especially when they had a gun they intended to use on you if you slipped up.

Eventually though, she did call her friend, and after getting lost momentarily, he finally showed up. I’d imagine if this was staged, he wouldn’t have had any problem finding the property because he already knew where it was. They could’ve intended on putting out that air, but the whole situation didn’t seem pre-planned at all. I suppose that helps me sleep a little better at night. Not by much.

Now, she did try to get in a second time. Apparently she couldn’t find the driveway (we have a long gravel driveway that connects the two houses on our property). It’s not hard to miss. Unless she was night-blind, I don’t understand how she could’ve missed it. But if she was night blind, I doubt she would’ve been able to find the house at all. I, however, was having none of that. No way. No how. She didn’t seem to fight it though, and within a few minutes, the car left the driveway.

A lot of people have asked me why and scolded me because I didn’t call 911. To be honest, I didn’t really have a good reason as to why I failed to do so. My grandmother, who has pretty much been my rock for my twenty three years of living, didn’t tell me to. It sounds stupid. I’m fully aware. And as strange as it might sound, I didn’t really consider doing it behind her back. I have my own cellphone. I could’ve easily gone into the other room without saying a word.

But I didn’t. I feel that I should go ahead and admit how much I regret it. Sleeping hasn’t been easy since that night. So, should you ever find yourself in a similar situation, just do it. The cliche words ‘better safe than sorry’ ring quite true. It’s going to take me at least a month to get over what happened. To stop jumping at every insignificant sound. Don’t wait. Don’t let them in, just pick up the phone.

Time.

I’ve come to a point in my life where thoughts are a burden. I think a lot about the passage of time. About what ‘forever’ truly means. Honestly, it scares me. It terrifies me. I don’t believe we stop existing when our bodies die. I’ve never believed that, but at the same time I don’t believe any religion is necessarily wrong. It doesn’t feel right to look at someone and say “You’re eternally damned because *insert petty reason here*” I don’t think a creator of so many vastly different things would set such trivial rules. I do believe you reap what you sew, and that what you give is what you will get.

But getting back to the idea of time. I fall asleep in my bed on Monday, and wake up at Friday. At least, that’s what it feels like anymore. I remember being a child, and sitting there watching the clock turn as if I was frozen in the moment. Now I struggle to grasp a day. I think about aging a lot. About how my body will slowly deteriorate in front of my eyes over the years. How my hearing will fade and I find it harder to enjoy the subtle sounds that I love. How my body will eventually become a prison.

I suppose what really scares me is the thought that time won’t slow after I pass. That there is some tier of megadeath after regular death. I fear that I will cease to exist, but at the same time living until forever ‘ends’… Just seems cruel. I realize I’m wasting my time worrying over such existential things I can’t even control, but I can’t stop it. I come back to it every single night.

But then… Then I find comfort in something.

We are human.

We try to understand things, but in the end, how much do we really know? We look at our achievements as some shift in the universe, but it’s more like we’re poking at a piece of sand on the beach of the ocean that is existence. It’s humbling once you realize how small you are. How little you really know. How your perception is based on your surroundings. Don’t use it as an excuse. Use it as a comfort. Each and every one of us has a limit. Your imperfection is what makes you beautiful, like a crack on an old jar or rust on a bucket.

The uncertain is beautiful. It’s absolutely stunning, and it’s what I take solace in.

How the Hell

did I get 37 views in one day? Good God.

Hatshoe again.

He deleted all his videos. It’s done guys. I don’t know what inspired our favorite enigma to shut down his site and practically delete everything, but half of me would like to know an explanation for the whole thing… The other half wants it to remain a mystery that we can ponder for a long time. The best mysteries are the ones that remain unsolved, after all. I’d almost like to see someone buy the domain and upload the pages (I know people have them) as homage to it. If anyone happens to do that, let me know.

Automatic Writing 2

Heaven is not meant to be a preconceived notion for our psyche to feed on as we grow old and shrivel up. No, what heaven is my friend, is the idea that in some way shape or form, our good deeds will come back in a chariot to congratulate and reward us of creating a ladder for others to use. they see, and yet they don’t see. They feel, yet they don’t feel. Our careless concerns of faggotry and synagogues are nothing but crumples of crackers under the fridge. Nothing but a burrito rotting under the windowsill. We have nothing but the foundation we build, and should it crumble, all hope is lost. the dreams you founded come crashing down from the top of the infrastructure, as your mind dissolves with a lackluster consistency. You fools. You know not what you do to your chances of peace. You know not what you do.

The number of things wrong with this screencap.

I could say a lot of things about this. Maybe comment on how the girl with no picture can’t take a hint, or how nobody is actually paying attention to what the guy said. But I believe the last post speaks for itself. I don’t know whether to laugh until I cry or just block her. My first Christmas present to you, the reader.

Hatshoe…

I’ve gotta say that one of the biggest disappointments I’ve experienced is the loss of our cryptic friend Hatshoe.org. It’s semi-old news, but I was holding off on saying anything with hopes that it was just a short down time. Things are starting to look grim, which is strange.

Check out the Twitter. Hatshoe says he’ll be back (at least we assume he’s talking about the website), then he apologizes. I’ll be severely disappointed if hatshoe ends up really laving this behind with no clues, but at the same time, I kinda understand. Life isn’t as fun without unsolved mysteries to ponder over.

On a completely different note, here’s a new website to scratch your head over. October 28th, 2011. A couple of scientific references like Schrodinger’s cat, but not much in the way of coherence (at least, as far as I know. I’m no math person so herp derp wat do?). Now, this is NOT a site claiming that the end of the world will be on said date. It says so in the hidden messages on the source code.

” NOW

 

If you are expecting explosion, fire, death, and destruction then your mind is in the wrong place, and you will be disappointed. That is not what this is about. There has never been a mention of an ending, there will be a 29th. Those who continue to look for an ‘event’ have been missing the point from the beginning. It is within, and eventually you will see that. ”

 

The key to translating the site is, apparently, the manuals. These manuals range from 42-46 in the url, and the last one gives you the biggest clue. It’s lucid dreaming. This is a topic that has been on my mind for a year or two now, and it brings the website together in a sense. But don’t take my word on it. Explore this and see what you think.

Another Question.

What do unborn children dream about?

It’s not a question I expect an answer to, obviously. A couple years back, I played a flash game on newgrounds that suggested babies dream of dead worlds. It was a fantastic concept, but poorly executed. I’d like to hear thoughts on this if anybody has some.

 

EDIT: Here’s a link to the game if you’re interested.

An Important Question:

Answer if you want.

 

Where is the line between human nature and inhuman nature?

 

That is to say, when do our human “mistakes” become inexcusable, and something subhuman? Is there a line? Is it a gray area? Does it even exist?

Chip-chan. Paranoia or Conspiracy?

I’ve always loved finding unsecured cams on the internet. They generally have no answers as to what is being filmed and why, leaving the spectator at the other end to their imagination.

I’m late to the party.

The Story of Chip-Chan.

If you’re looking for a wild story and have a little bit of time to sit and read, I strongly recommend taking a look at this. If you want a short and sweet summary, this woman in Korea has cameras up in her house (which she apparently didn’t install but keeps up anyways), and asks people to watch her while she sleeps. This woman claims that a corrupt cop named “P” installed a verichip in her body.

Interested? Here’s the link to her cams.